My love for you will forever remain.
Tears are falling constantly.
My heart hurts every day. I think about you all the time,
And every day it hurts to cry. I’m not sure how hard to try.
The emptiness I am feeling now is strong and I am weak.
These days go by without you so dreary and so bleak.
On April 2, 2012 on a gray day, they put you in the ground.
It was so hard to just leave you there, to turn my back and walk away.
I still remember how you looked on that very tragic Monday morning.
I was so lost and alone when I discovered you on your bed, lying so lifelessly.
I tried waking you up with all my might,
but you just lie there, your body was cold and unresponsive.
Tears rolled down my cheeks,
as I dialed my mother for help,
telling her that you are not breathing.
Till then, I tried shaking you up again -
in hopes that you would revive from your deep sleep.
I was desperate.
I was so confused, I had no idea why.
My heart pleads, “Please wake up!!! Please.”
And my head was screaming, “No. NO! This is not happening!!!”
Either way, I knew that you are gone.
Gone forever.
I stood by you, still wasn’t ready to accept the fact
until the neighbors came and took me away.
They check your pulse on your cold wrist and neck.
And they observed your breathing.
But you neither exhale nor inhale.
And I can’t hold back my tears
when they’d confirmed you are no longer with us.
I dialed for my mother again.
This time, with words that was hard to swallow.
She was already on the cab, on her way home.
My sister called and by that time, no words were coming out from my mouth.
My hands were shaking.
My hearts sank into my stomach.
I was shutting down.
On the stormy gray day you went away.
Crystal clear pure tears were shed from my face.
I shut my eyes, praying it was just another bad dream.
But unfortunately it was reality,
the most awful thing I had ever seen.
Now you are gone, in just a blink of an eye.
And we all have to die someday.
I just wish it weren’t so soon.
The day you left us, your family came together to see you for the very last time.
I sat in a corner,
I looked around and it was so crowded and I was lost in such despair.
I remember my family’s solemn faces. It hurts.
After they showered you and wrapped you in kaftan.
You lay in still rest.
Prayers for you were echoed in the halls.
Your face was so peaceful.
I gave you one last kiss on the forehead,
and the last words in my heart said, “goodbye Nenek”.
But all I wanted to do was hug you like I always do every night before you go to bed.
Tears falling fast on my cheeks,
faster than a waterfall in the forests.
Some tried to console me, but I buried my face in my hands and sobbed,
even harder - breathless.
You were my best friend, my grandma,
and I never get to see you again.
You were in my life for the longest time.
But now you’re gone.
And everything’s different.
I haven’t stopped crying since you went away,
And I’ve asked Allah time and time why couldn’t you stay.
Now, I see why He took you away.
Your spirit was strong, but your body was weak.
Allah saw you struggle, He felt your pain.
He held out his hand. And you grasped it tight,
No more pain. No more struggles.
Just the comforts of Heaven.
With each day that passes.
I miss you more and more.
The memories we’ve made will go on and on.
I miss your big bear hug every night before I put you to bed.
I miss your words of comfort.
I miss sleeping beside you and your embrace.
I endure the times we spent together
And they are locked inside my heart,
For as long as I have those memories
We will never be apart. All I can do is pray.
Because every night before I sleep
I have you in my prayer.
I think about your beautiful smile,
That I pray I see again someday.
Even though I can’t see,
I know you are up there watching over me.
I love you grandma, rest in peace. I’ll be seeing you again one day. Insyallah.
xx
